HERE GOES NOTHING.
I woke up at 8:30 this morning, well actually 7:30 because my mom texted me, but I laid in bed for an hour in a fit of anxiety for the day that lay ahead. It was pretty bad. I had some weird stress dreams last night that consisted of getting in fights and almost watching someone die. It was bad, and weird, and I woke up very happy to know it was all a figment of my apparently disturbed subconscious.
Why was I so nervous? This should be exciting right? Finding a new job, a new life. It’s great. So why was I getting the equivalent of real life stage fright?
Well, I couldn’t answer it then, so I took a shower, bummed around on the internet, applied for a job online, found this gem of a website: http://derpsherlockcaps.tumblr.com/, and fretted some more to the point where I could barely stomach the two peanut butter cookies I ate for breakfast.
I had planned out some places to visit the night before, but as I walked all the way across campus in this oddly hot November day to get to my car, I realized that I had no idea what I was doing. So I was just going to go into these places and ask for a job. Then what? What if they say no? What if they tell me to go online again? What if what if what if….
This pattern of stress, self doubt and fearing the worst continued all the way to Starbucks and all the way to my first destination of the day: the Thousand Oaks Civic Arts Plaza. As it was too hot to wear my one expensive blazer, I carried it on my shoulder to avoid soaking it in sweat and wore sandals to climb up the hill. Eventually, I put on my jacket and slipped on the FAB black 5 inch platform wedges that I acquired last night and strutted up to the building.
Except when I got there, I had no idea where to go. I found Human Resources (this place is also City Hall) and it required a key card to access, and I wasn’t about to go banging down the door. So I walked around in circles, feeling pretty dumb and realized all I’d accomplished all day was worry and get coffee. Lovely. What a way to start off what was supposed to be my fresh start. Finally, I grabbed a brochure and called the number hoping to talk to someone and getting a recording only to remind me that, good job genius, theatres are closed on Mondays. Ok. I’ll go back tomorrow.
Doffing my heels and jacket again, I meandered back to my car and went onto destination 2. Guitar Center Corporate Headquarters. After almost parking in the vice president’s parking spot, I walked up to the door and then almost immediately turned around. Damn, where is my confidence? Finally, after a deep breath, I walked in. The receptionist was very sweet and informed me I’d have to go online to apply for jobs. Expected, but still disappointing.
Yet, I walked back to my car with a small surge of confidence. At least I went in. Even though I got nothing out of it, I finally stepped out of my comfort zone and realized that people aren’t going to try to eat me when I ask if there are any job openings.
Which leads me to Taylor’s Unofficial Job Search Tip #2:
The world really isn’t trying to swallow you whole. Look past the teeth and see a smile, even a small one. Someone out there wants to see you succeed.
Even if it’s only your mom, who gives you a phone call pep talk, and an Eeyore card with peppermint chocolate in your luggage. I think, despite our differences, she wants me to be successful. Or maybe she just wants me out of the house as much as I do too.
So, feeling a bit better, and progressively more steady as a faux 5’9″ tall woman, I went on to three employment agencies and dropped off my resume, as well as being helped at one of them by a past classmate from my school. What a small world. (then again, Thousand Oaks is a relatively small town). Here’s to hoping someone else can help me in my search too.
By then, I was ravenous as I had again, only eaten cookies and coffee all day, so I got some food and settled into Starbucks to do some online applying. I started at Coffee Bean, but I forgot their Wifi wasn’t the best. #whitegirlproblems
I got in a few applications online, mainly from LinkedIn (I’m starting to get the hang of it now!) and despite accidentally copying the wrong cover letter into one of them and hitting submit and subsequently banging my head on the keyboard, I’m feeling good. I’m finding positions I’m qualified for and even asking people to meet for coffee and stuff to discuss the position. I’ve got to stop being so reserved and shy sounding, even in text. I’ve got to show them I mean business.
Also, I’m going to start looking at finding people within the companies I want to go visit, so I have a pre-approved ticket in, so i don’t get stranded at reception, looking desperate and idiotic. Anyone have any tips?
Anyway, I’m starting to get a headache from lack of food and staring at my computer screen for too long. Also, my brain hasn’t been this active in awhile, so the wheels need a little more greasing before I’m up and running at full capacity again.
Tomorrow, I’m going to see a few more employment agencies, call up someone I haven’t seen in awhile who works somewhere I’d like to work and start to plan out my excursion to LA a bit further. Tonight, I’m going to work a bit more on my website and watch the dress rehearsal of my friend’s show and watch more Game of Thrones, while eating cheese puffs and drinking dollar store root beer out of wine glasses. We’re the epitome of class, of course.
So I’d say that Day 1, was a success in saying that I feel like, for the first time in a long time, I’m getting stuff done!
P.S. I really need to unsubscribe from this change.org mailing list because A.) it’s spamming my inbox and B.) this is just…not chill…